Well, many of you may have inadvertently received an email I wrote that was intended for our future daughter in law, Rachel Maurer.  I’m sorry to have bored you with inane wedding plans but my friends say it was one of my “I Love Lucy Moments”!!  I was typing on John’s computer and began to fill in the email address. The blog address automatically filled the box and I didn’t notice that it was going to the blog!!  I’m sorry you had to hear about my Immodium adventures but I’m glad it wasn’t anything more embarrassing! 

We’ve attached some photos of some new things in our life.  One is from Ben’s graduation from PT school on May 18^th at University of Puget Sound in Tacoma.  The other is when we were at Shane Colvin’s wedding in Bozeman, May 24^th.  We are doing well and Lori continues to recover and heal from her cancer surgery.  We’ve been going back and forth to Seattle a lot for some specialized reconstruction procedures.  It also gives us an excuse to visit the kids and grandbaby, Isaac.  We love you very much and hope to post a more comprehensive update this summer,   John and Lori

 

“Fight the good fight of the Faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”  1 Tim. 6:12

Well, it’s time for a blog update on Lori’s progress with her breast cancer.  As many of you know, Lori’s last day of chemo was August 12^th.  It was a long haul of 20 weeks starting the Adriamycin/Cytoxan and then the Taxol but now that’s done!  The chemo nurses gave her a present on her last day and hugs all around.  I noticed a few had some tears.  Lori did very well all things considered.  It did take a toll on her body with hair loss, Lymphedema of her right arm, finger/toe nail changes, body aches, photosensitivity, fatigue, mental fogginess and anemia.  But, overall she survived it quite well and was able to do lots of things this summer and didn’t let the cancer stop her.  (Yes, I pushed her some, but she pushed herself as well with a faithful walking program.)  The only cancer drug she is getting now is a Herceptin infustion every 3 weeks. This is a Monoclonal antibody that attacks the “Her2/Neu” receptor on the cancer cells.  It’s not “Chemo” per se.  It takes advantage of the receptor being on the cell and directs her immune system to kill it.  It’s generally pretty well tolerated but can cause some decreased cardiac output.  They’ve monitored Lori’s heart with an Echocardiogram and it looks good with no side effects. 

Besides walking a lot, we also went ATV camping with friends from church.  Lori got to see lots of back country parts of Montana from the back of an ATV.  We also picked a couple gallons of Huckleberries while ATVing as well.  We bought a boat this year and have enjoyed taking it out on Flathead Lake.  Lori had to be careful with sun exposure but she was right in there.  Some happy news is that our daughter Rachel delivered her first child and our first grandchild on our wedding anniversary, July 11^th.  We were concerned that we might not be able to get out and see the baby since we were in the middle of chemo.  But, we were able to leave right after treatment on a Monday and spend a week getting to know Isaac before driving back and starting again the following Monday.  

Compared to many patients that I’ve seen, Lori has done very well and we are thankful for that.  And so, the next step is radiation therapy.  The idea behind the chemo was to have those chemicals interrupt the cellular chemical reactions and kill the cancer cells.  Because they grow faster, they are relatively more affected than normal cells.  Radiation is similar.  It disrupts the cellular division process of the faster growing cancer cells. The radiation produces “free radicals” that destroy the cell membranes and prevent further growth.  

            I want to emphasize something.  Many people have had questions about further testing for Lori’s cancer to “see if there’s any left”.  When she had her PET scan after surgery, there was No Evidence of any cancer left in her body.  For all we know, the surgery may have removed all the cancer cells.  We can’t be certain though and that’s why we went through the chemo and now the radiation to treat the possibility of some remaining undetectable cancer cells in her lymph system.  The problem is that there is no way to test for those small amounts of cancer cells.  The chemo and radiation increase her chances that the cancer won’t come back.  Another PET scan or other testing at this time would very likely also be negative for cancer since she just finished treatment.  There is nothing else more aggressive to be done right now.  We will probably look at doing another scan sometime in the next year after all the treatment is over. 

            The radiation treatment, which began on 9/11, is every day M-F for 6 weeks.  The grind of having to drive to Kalispell (about half an hour from our house) is something we’re not looking forward to.  We’re told the radiation is pretty well tolerated.  She will probably get some sun burn type skin changes and some fatigue.  They plan to irradiate the “tumor bed” of the chest wall where the breast used to be, the arm pit and the clavicle area.  Other than that, it’s just getting through it all.  We are very much looking forward to being done with Cancer. Period. 

            Something else that happened in the past few weeks is that Lori really felt that she heard from God about her cancer.  We have both felt a gnawing anxiety worrying about the possibility that the cancer might come back.  As you may remember, we were shocked with the initial diagnosis and then at the extent of spread once it was fully staged.  It is a sneaky cancer and escaped detection by normal methods initially.  Now that we are getting towards the end of treatment, we wonder, “What if it sneaks back?”  During one of Lori’s morning devotions, she was reading about the man by the pool of Bethesda in John 5:6.  When Jesus asked the man, “Do you want to get well?” The man said that others cut in front of him so he couldn’t get in the pool to be healed.  Jesus didn’t focus on the pool, he simply said, “Take up your mat and walk”.  The Creator of the Universe has the prerogative to do that.   Lori had an overwhelming feeling that He was asking her the same question about her desire to be healed.  She realized at that moment that deep in her spirit, she had a longing to be well, to be done with cancer, to be restored.  She also felt an overwhelming sense that Jesus said to her, “then take up your mat and walk”. Yes, we do all the medical things (the pool) we know how to do, but The Lord is the One who really does the healing.  For the first time, she is now seeing the “light at the end of the tunnel” and having real hope that she is going to beat this disease.  As a further confirmation, the next passage Lori read was Psalm 18:2-3 which says, “The LORD is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.”  She then remembered that the place she was receiving the cancer treatment is called “The Rock” office building.  The symmetry and duality of this is beautiful.  God is there if you look for Him.  We believe in the medical treatment she is getting and we believe in Divine healing power. 

            As Lori’s husband, I can sense a positive change in her as well.  There is new Hope.  And Hope in the Lord is everything.  Without Hope, you’re dead.  Even if you don’t have cancer, if you don’t have Hope, life is dreary, pointless and an endless series of temporary self gratifying activities.  Yes, we have Hope in this chemo regimen we just finished.  We have Hope in the Radiation treatments.  We have Hope that her Doctors Hulvat, Anderes and Stillie have steered us in the right direction for treatment.  We have Hope and Faith that the cancer won’t come back.   But most of all, we have Hope in the Lord Jesus Christ.  In life or death, no matter what comes or when it comes, He is The Lord. Nothing changes that.        

            The birth of your first grandchild is a wonderful experience but it changes your perspective on life somewhat.  To see your offspring produce their own offspring is very gratifying and gives you a feeling of fullness and completeness.  You see little bits of yourself in your grandchild and yet you’re separated by 55 years of life, but still its awe inspiring.  But, it’s also that gentle tap on the shoulder that hey, you’re not going to always be here.  Both my parents are gone.  Lori lost her dad this spring and her mom recently had a stroke.  Life moves on.  The circle of life continues.  We’re next in line.  With that realization staring you in the face, life takes on a new importance to “make it count”.  We find ourselves with a desire to use however many years we have left to do good, gain wisdom and advance the Kingdom of God.  And hopefully, we’ll be there to help pass the torch of Faith to our grand kids that we passed to our own children. 

            As always, we continue to covet your prayers for Lori’s healing.  We thank you over and over for all your love and support.  God Bless,  John and Lori

 

PS-In late breaking news, our son Ben, just got engaged to his girlfriend, Rachel Maurer on Friday 9-20-13.  We are thrilled with this news and so happy for both of them!  They are planning a wedding in Golden, CO for the summer of 2014.  Stay tuned!

 

 

The 3rd Round

On April 29^th, Lori had her 3^rd round of chemo.  She is still on the “AC”: Adriamycin and Cytoxan.  She has had the most side effects with this round with some fatigue, slight nausea, body aches and feeling foggy, but overall still minimal symptoms.  For that, we are very grateful.  Lori has been keeping a log of her exercise.  She’s walked 70 miles since starting chemo a month ago.  The physical activity has definitely been helping.  Each morning, Lori and I have a devotion time together and pray specifically, in Jesus Name, that these drugs would find their intended target and kill any cancer cells there may be.  We also continue to be amazed by the overwhelming support and care shown to us by family and friends.  Everyday, there are cards, letters and gifts of one sort or another coming in the mail. Most of it is just little things, but they are so meaningful to us to know people are thinking about and praying for us.  It feels like we have settled into the Cancer Treatment routine now.  There are no new bits of information or surprises at this point.  We are in “hunker down” and “get through it” mode.  We are thankful for God’s goodness and how He has shown us good things, even in the midst of being treated for cancer.  Both Lori and I feel closer to God and to each other.  As someone who deals with a lot of anxious people in the ER, I am amazed at the lack of any sign of anxiety in Lori.  It is God’s Peace, for sure.  Especially in light of some recent events that I will discuss below. 

            As you know, the first day of Lori’s chemo was the day her dad died back in Cleveland.  We were able to attend the funeral and while it was sad to say goodbye to her dad, it was also a good family reunion.  We were able to re-connect with aunts, uncles and cousins.  Rachel, Drew and Ben were able to fly out for the funeral as well and so it was good family time all around.  Four weeks, to the day, after Lori’s first chemo and her dad’s passing, we got a phone call while Lori was getting her chemo infusion, that her mom, Betty who is 87, had a stroke.  It affected the left side of her brain causing some speech difficulty and weakness and tingling in her right arm and leg.  Betty currently is in the hospital and will need to go through stroke rehab.  As it stands right now, she will not be able to go back home and live independently as she had been, though we are praying for improvement to the point that she can. Betty’s stroke is even more sad for us because, she and Lori’s sister Diane were supposed to come to our house on May 11^th and spend time helping Lori get through this last part of the hard chemo.  Diane may come for a shorter time, but that is still up in the air. 

            It is difficult to take a step back and review all that has been going on in our lives the past 3 months.  These are normal life events and lots of people go through them.  It’s just hard and emotionally exhausting when it hits all at once.  I guess “shell shocked” is a way you could describe part of how we feel.  On the other hand, God has promised not to take us beyond what we can handle and we have found that promise to be true.  His Grace is sufficient.  I think when we look back on 2013, we will remember that this was the year that all our carefully laid out life plans got turned upside down.  It changes your perspective on what’s important.  If there are no further surprises, we think that by January of 2014, that Lori will be done with all the chemo, radiation and final reconstructive surgery.  We are looking forward to that day when all the treatment is done and the cancer is GONE. 

            As we’ve gone through Lori’s cancer treatment, I’ve had the unique opportunity as a physician to experience being on “the other side” of the medical equation.  We are now patient and patient’s family.  I really don’t want to pull the “I’m a doctor card” and try to get special treatment. Actually, we haven’t had to, everyone has been great. We realize that it’s still not quite the same though, since most everyone knows me from the hospital and we get a few perks here and there.  For instance, I was able to give Lori a medication shot at home in our kitchen.  That saved an hour of drive time for Lori. 

But, I’ve had the chance to sit, listen and watch as we go through this process.  On chemo day, we arrive at the oncology office, are taken back to the infusion room which has about 15 lazy boy type lounge chairs for the patients to sit in.  The nurse accesses the port on her chest by pushing the angled needle through the skin, into the port and starts hydrating with saline.  She then gives the pre-medications to prevent side effects and then the big guns: Adriamycin (which looks like red Kool-aid and turns your urine red for a day) and Cytoxan.  It all takes 5-6 hours to complete.  During that time, people wander in and out.  Spouses sit next to their loved ones.  Family and friends stop by to give encouragement or little gifts. Nurses frequently swing by to check how things are going or start the next medication. There really isn’t a sense of doom and gloom.  There’s lots of chatter and laughter.  It’s a good place.  It feels very inviting, like, come on in and sit for a while and shoot the breeze.  They have soup, sandwiches, cookies and other goodies and drinks in a refrigerator.  Lori calls it the Chemo Café.  Some people are reading, others, looking at their ipads. It’s kind of like a Starbucks. Instead of getting infused with caffeine, you’re getting chemo. 

What strikes me though, as I sit and observe, is the immediate connection that occurs between the cancer patients.   They don’t need introductions or preliminary small talk.  If you’re in the chair with a needle in your chest, you are a member of the Cancer Club.  With one look in the eyes, they KNOW what they each are going through without having to say anything.  And there is an immediate bond.  Especially the breast cancer women.  Not only is it the cancer in you body, but it’s attacking part of the very essence of what it means to be a woman.  Women who go through this seem to connect on some level that other women and certainly men can’t understand. I’ve also seen the understanding of Lori’s close friends who have had breast cancer:  Linda, Jan, Corri and Holly.  I would liken it to the Motherhood bond that women seem to have.  Of course, Lori being Lori, she talks to whoever is in ear shot and is able to give a run down on their life to me on the way home (daughter of Don Wolf).  But, I’ve seen her look across the room during a lull and lock eyes with someone she hasn’t met and there is an understanding with no words passed.  At the Alert Helicopter fundraising banquet last Saturday, Lori was introduced to a lady who also had breast cancer, had also lost all her hair and was wearing a scarf (Lori had on a wig). They hugged each other within the first 10 seconds and talked intensely for the next 20 minutes and hugged again at the end like sisters.  They ARE sisters with a bond forged out of a common, unique trial that they are enduring. They know what each other is going through. 

Throughout this experience, I am newly amazed at the Human Spirit and our ability and desire to reach beyond ourselves to help or encourage each other.  You don’t see this kind of behavior anywhere else in the natural world.  It is something that defines what it means to be Human:  The aspiration and capacity to unconditionally care about someone else. Cancer is bad.  But I have seen it bring out the best in people during Lori’s treatment.   And I am glad to get a chance to see what happens on a human level that I don’t normally get to see as I dispense medical advice and treatment and then move on to other patients.

Lori’s last AC treatment is on May 13^th and then it’s on to Taxol (on May 27^th) once a week for 12 weeks.  Thanks again for all your prayers and support and we’ll try to keep the blog updated.    Love,  Lori and John

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Lori through the years

 

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